Wednesday, 26 September 2012

Script - Initial Draft

There are a number of problems with the original script (as mentioned in red). The biggest concern is the length, and amount of text (which I will be cutting down) rather than action. A lot of changes will be made before the script will be ready to storyboard. However, this will come in really helpful when fully forming the rest of the script later; and has allowed me to think through and manage and document the storyline.


FADE IN:

EXT. HELENA’S PUB - NIGHT

A few barrels outside a shed suggest the pub - and the state of the economy.
There is a noise of glasses clinking and the banter of rowdy middle-aged men.

I came up with the idea of the shed whilst I was still considering storyline. Before I created the character of Lettie; Helena and Robin were going to search for Damien because of taxes, and Helena's fear of losing her business. I experimented with the idea of a prequel for Robin Hood: (as where the protagonist got his name), Helena would have been a suggestion of the character of Maid Marian (where Lettie's character has formed) and Damien the future Sherif of Nottingham. After such a drastic change, the shed no longer seemed relevant. I have contacted The Green Dragon instead and have been given permission to film there.

HELENA (O.S.) 
Okay – quieten down all of you; pub’s closed! Time
to go, take yourselves elsewhere. 

The crowd mumbles in dissatisfaction.

EXT. DESERTED STREET CORNER - NIGHT

Camera tracks Lettie from her side as she walks. She wears a distinctive red cloak, white mask and basket.

INT. HELENA’S PUB - NIGHT

Helena gathers up used glasses. She steps out to collect a barrel of water for cleaning, whilst the camera ‘waits’ for her.

Having returned indoors, she stands at the bar and uses a cloth and water to clean the dirty glasses. The camera zooms in on her and then ‘crashes’ in to the side of the room, where there is a window. Lettie (though barely visible) looks in. The distorted image makes her look eerie and suspicious. The camera tracks her from inside of the shed, making her way round slowly and continuously until settling on the door. The handle quivers and then she steps in.
This plan will need to be changed to suit the new location.

HELENA (nonchalantly) 
I had to close the pub early.

LETTIE 
It’s important – is Robin here?

Lettie takes off her mask.

HELENA 
He should be getting here soon, but you’ll have to
have left by then. They’ll find you here. You can’t be seen with either of us!

LETTIE 
I can’t even be with my own family.

HELENA
You chose this life – you could have just deserted
it, (the cloak) or handed it over!

LETTIE 
It was our mothers... and for some reason, I know it
was important for us to have it! 
When all this is over, Robin and I can finally be together. 
You know I’m on your side in this.

HELENA
You aren’t the only one threatened by this! Given
the state of living these days, I need my business – it’s not 
even twelve and I’ve already had to clear them all away!

LETTIE 
Listen to me. There are rumours they’re coming
tonight, and you’ve got to get out of here. 
Don’t wait for Robin – you just need to go!

HELENA 
Where are you going to go?

LETTIE 
Don’t worry about me. I’m going off to pick some
flowers and see if I can use them to beg my way in to an inn.
Replacing her mask, she turns to leave.

HELENA 
Scarlett – Lettie – take off that cloak or they’ll
know who you are anyway.

LETTIE (in a harsh, dignified whisper) 
No. It was our mothers’.

Helena grabs some cash from behind the desk.

HELENA 
Take this. Innkeepers expect paying.

Lettie takes the money with reluctance. She exits.

Helena anxiously continues to clear up. She leaves soon after, a mask in hand.

EXT. HELENA’S PUB - NIGHT

After locking up, Helena strays around the corner and finds herself directly opposite Robin.

ROBIN 
Helena - where’s Lettie?

HELENA 
She’s already gone.

ROBIN (looking shocked) 
Well – where has she gone? What does she expect to
do?

HELENA 
She says that they’re looking for us. We’ve got to
go.

Robin turns immediately.

HELENA 
She’s off to find shelter for the night.

ROBIN 
She’s gone to the forest. Hasn’t she?

HELENA 
I think so. She wants flowers to pay for the room.

ROBIN (shocked) 
Didn’t you give her money?

The story of Helena and Lettie's past is never explained in the film. The sisters' are extremely poor (Helena slightly better off since opening the pub) and Lettie is far too proud to accept any of the money she is offered. By taking the flowers she would try to sweet talk the innkeeper in letting her stay. Without the backing story, this conversation is completely irrelevant.

HELENA 
Of course I did!

ROBIN 
Come on then –

HELENA 
It was our mothers’ – our mothers’. She’s never
going to understand that whoever our mum was isn’t
worth what we are now. She’s as much a stranger to us as the old woman 
who lives in a shoe! If she were alive it would be no different – 
why would she leave my sister with this burden?

ROBIN 
It’s the Bohun son – he’ll have something to do
with this... and yet he’s got too much shame to introduce himself.

HELENA 
You know Lettie will be okay. She’s been living
like this for a while now; she knows how it goes. And so do you. 
You were on the run before you came here.

ROBIN 
And yet she did nothing wrong.

They continue to walk in silence.

ROBIN 
We’ll follow the direction she took. Slowly. 
(Notices Helena’s look of horror)
Just to make sure that she’s passed there safely. 

CUT TO:

EXT. FIELD - NIGHT

Robin and Helena wander along their journey. Helena wears a mask and Robin has his face covered with clothing.

EXT. STREET – NIGHT 

Journey continues. 

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – NIGHT 

Journey continues. 

EXT. SECOND FIELD – NIGHT 

Journey continues.

EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF A FOREST – NIGHT

CUT TO:

They stumble to take a seat on the ground, and listen out for sound. Helena removes her mask.
Long pause.

A man, WILLIAM FLETCHER, emerges from the trees, a look of shocked terror and disgust upon his face.

WILLIAM FLETCHER 
You know her, don’t you?

The shocked silence makes this evident.

WILLIAM FLETCHER 
I’m so sorry! Look, follow me to my home. Stay the
night. I can’t let you wander around at this hour... especially not after this -
I’ll explain what I saw in the morning.

ROBIN (aghast) 
No - what happened to her?

WILLIAM FLETCHER 
She was attacked, by a wolf. But I’ve lived here
my whole life and there have never been sightings of any 
such creature – it must have been sent to get her.

HELENA 
When you found her – was she wearing a red cloak?

During this conversation there is not enough emotion from the main characters. Although I want them to hold it together until they see Damien (when the news fully hits them), there needs to be a much more dramatic response from Robin and Helena.

William shakes his head, looking puzzled.

CUT TO:

EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF THE FOREST – MORNING

Robin and Helena sit on individual rocks. They look considerably more of a mess than the night before, and it is clear that they have barely slept.
William follows soon after, with a tray holding two cups and a teapot in hand.

ROBIN 
Thanks. But we aren’t staying long.

WILLIAM 
Forgive me, but you can’t just walk up to him and
expect to win a fight – you need to prepare for this.

ROBIN 
I’ll take my chances.

WILLIAM 
What – and hers? You’re hysterical!

ROBIN 
We’re fine. Besides, you’d have to be to deal with
someone like him.

WILLIAM 
If I’m not wrong, you’re stronger than that.


ROBIN 
What if I’m not?

HELENA 
Well, I am. And you might be ashamed of your past
but it shows that you at least have some nerve.

ROBIN
(Directed at William)
What do you know about Damien Bohun?

WILLIAM 
He was banished from the family... or at least his
father was. Jayson Bohun was said to have let down 
the families reputation. When he left the estate, he 
changed his name to Sallow. Damien was just as power-greedy 
as the rest of the family and as soon as he became old 
enough to understand; refused the disguise of being a Sallow.

ROBIN 
But the family wouldn’t just, take him in?

WILLIAM 
Of course not, they’re too proud. They don’t want 
anything to do with their son, let alone their grandson. 
Not without a reward. The Bohun’s are one of the richest 
and most influential families in the area. That’s worth 
more to them than anything.

HELENA 
But they’d accept him back in if he got the cloak.

WILLIAM 
If it’s what you say it is... an item 
that possesses that kind of magic and power is 
exactly what they value.

HELENA 
But it’s not just that. It was brought by one of
the Bohun ancestors hundreds of years ago... 
he was afraid that the reputation he’d developed 
for himself when they built the estate might 
one day be lost; or overridden by another high-status family. 
The village was in fear of witches. There was an elderly 
lady awaiting a trial and he found her. He got her 
to bewitch the cloak so that it would curse anyone 
who was a threat to the family. Of course, he didn’t 
protect her after that... he promised to save 
her if she did what he asked, and he just sent her 
straight back where she came.

This conversation needs action in order to keep the audience's attention. As a low-budget film, I will need to consider ways of indicating this cheaply, and safely. This means that the backing story will probably need to be altered quite a lot in order to remain effective.



For decades it’s been passed down generations of the Bohun family.

WILLIAM 
Until Jayson took it with him -

HELENA 
And it became my mothers’.

ROBIN 
Why didn’t they take it back off Jayson? Surely he
didn’t have the money to go far, it wouldn’t 
have taken much to find him and get it back.

HELENA 
Seeing him would have reminded them of the shame.
They’d rather just forget him altogether.

WILLIAM 
And you’re sure that there are no others’ searching for the cloak?

HELENA 
I can’t be. But Damien Bohun just makes sense. 
I bet you he’ll have taken it and is trying to use 
it to win his way back in to the family.

WILLIAM 
Then go to the Bohun Estate. Find what 
you can there. Do you know where you’re going?

At this point, William becomes quite a dominant character; but never fits in to the storyline. He knows too much information. 

ROBIN 
I’ve spent the last few years as a cartographer.

William finally starts pouring the tea, and offers a cup to Robin and Helena. When they look in the cups, they see the word ‘welcome’ emerges in the water. The sentiment is clearly out of place in the troubled atmosphere. Robin has only begun to look less irritable.

WILLIAM 
Great! But you’re not to leave now. I told you, we plan for battle.

William's second name, Fletcher, comes from a family who make arrows. This is the connection with William being the one to convince them in to battle, but again, without a backing story this is unimportant.

CUT TO:

EXT. WOODS – NIGHT

In the form of a flashback, Lettie is seen in the distance, walking calmly. The red of her cloak is vivid against the dark, motionless setting.

She then begins running as she spots something off screen from behind her. The screen is a blur as she urgently rushes through the maze of trees. Sounds from all angles erupt alarmingly as she scrambles through leaves and gaps in trees.

A close up then shows her hand (nails painted pearl white) as it hits the floor. The contents of her basket drift along the ground and the camera tracks an apple that rolls in to the distance.

CUT TO:

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – DAY

Robin and Helena are travelling again. They appear well rested and set for the possibilities.

ROBIN 
You’ve never told me why that cloak became your
mothers.

HELENA 
We don’t really know. My mother became ill just
after she had me and Lettie. It wasn’t 
supposed to be hers; she took it or something 
from Jayson – Damien’s father.

This is definitely over-complicating the storyline. Too many names will make the film hard to understand, follow and enjoy. The Hotel Owner is another example of this.

The flashback (next) is also far too hard to follow. I need to keep the flashbacks to a minimum in order to concentrate on the important characters.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL ENTRANCE – EVENING

A young woman stands just inside the open door. She wears a full-length red dress and an expression of strict pride. Despite it being so late in the day, she appears wide-awake and at ease.

HELENA (O.S.) 
She was taken in by a lady who owned a 
hotel... but our mother; she never even said her name, or ours.

The woman is approached by Helena’s mother; also young, but slouched in the position of an old woman. She is barely seen under an oversized coat with little value. She holds the cloak in her arms.

Lettie and I, we were named by this woman. 
Scarlett – it was the colour of the cloak she was tucked in.
Why would a mother leave her baby in an 
item that was fatal to her?


HOTEL OWNER 
Nice to see you again.
Your children have already been given a room. 
Spend as long as you need here.

MOTHER 
What do you want? You wont take what I give you!

HOTEL OWNER 
I do not expect anything of expense. But you’ll
find that anyone staying in a room of ours is expected 
to act with polite appreciation.

CUT TO:

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – DAY

Continuing their journey – Noticing how quickly the story has affected Helena’s mood, Robin drops the subject and raises himself to appear more upbeat. He allows a grin to emerge on his face.

ROBIN 
When we get back, you owe me a drink.

CUT TO:

EXT. BOHUN ESTATE – DAY The building is WAY IN THE DISTANCE.

HELENA 
This is it, isn’t it! This is the place.

ROBIN 
I sure hope so! I’m not walking all that way back
again to ask for directions.

HELENA 
But – he’ll be here, won’t he?

ROBIN 
Who knows? But it feels as though we’re doing the
right thing. If he’s not, we wait. I have an inkling he’ll turn
up eventually...

CUTS CLOSER to the Bohun Estate as they draw nearer. Both look ecstatically hopeful with adrenaline.

They take a seat on the ground opposite the entrance and wait. In recovering from the long journey, they drift off to sleep until they are startled by a voice. Standing in front of them, is Damien Bohun.

DAMIEN 
Robin Finlay and Helena Auvray.
If you’re here for the cloak, I’m afraid it’s 
already been handed in to it’s true owners.
But if you want to know what happened, I’d be more 
than delighted to tell you the story.

HELENA 
What is this a story of? Of how you killed my
sister?

DAMIEN 
I might suggest lowering your tone if you have the
slightest interest in the value of what I have 
to say. Of how your mother deserved what came to her.

ROBIN (aggressively) 
Didn’t they let you in? Did they have any more
interest in your stories than we did?

HELENA 
No. Tell us. Tell us what you have to say.

DAMIEN 
I trust you know what the cloak means to the
Bohun family?

ROBIN 
And yet we don’t know what it means to you.

DAMIEN 
One day, an arrogant sixteen-year-old girl had taken
it upon herself to disrupt the peace that 
my father had within the family. Although he 
rarely got on with his parents they were 
gracious enough to deal with his ill-mannered 
behavior and torrents of rage...

CUT TO:

EXT. LAKE – DAY

The lake is pretty and gleaming in the luminous pink and gold rays of the sun.

JAYSON SALLOW is sat calmly next to the lake, wearing a casual yet stylish navy jacket and boots. He is gently humming to himself, and staring in to the distance.

HELENA’S MOTHER, first appearing only a few steps before her. She striking blue dress. Her hair is despite it having been carefully at Jayson as though mesmerized, and suppresses a smile.

MOTHER 
What are you doing out here by yourself?

Jayson turns, looking startled at the interruption but equally pleased to see her.

JAYSON 
Seeing if I can spot an alphyn.

MOTHER 
An alphyn?

JAYSON 
It’s a sort of wolf – or perhaps a lion. But it’s
known to be calm and kind to people... unlike most 
of the people I’ve had the pleasure to come across.

MOTHER 
Well, what about me? Do I seem like the kind of
people you know?

JAYSON 
You did sneak up behind me. If I was an old man I’d
have to have been wound back up again.

MOTHER 
Sitting motionless down there, I’d have thought most
old men could have beaten you at anything. 

Jayson stands to face her directly.

JAYSON 
What’s your name?

MOTHER 
I’ll tell you once you’ve hung around a while.

JAYSON (grinning) 
I’m Jayson.

EXT. TOWN – DAY

It is a new day. Jayson and the girl are hurrying through the rain, sheltered under Jayson’s jacket. They rush to shelter near an old chapel. Whilst they run, they stumble about and step on each other’s feet. They are both in fits of laughter by they time they reach a standstill.
Jayson suddenly turns to her, looking serious.

JAYSON 
You know – I love you.

MOTHER 
I love you too. I’ve never met someone so ridiculous
and so different from me and so incredibly... 
random. And yet on top of that, you are the 
nicest person ever. I just hope you don’t let me down.

JAYSON 
I’ve already let you down. You fell for me, and you
could have had anyone.

MOTHER 
I didn’t want anyone.

Helena’s mother takes a ring out of her pocket, studying it closely. She places it on her finger.

JAYSON 
Marry me.

She gently shakes her head, removes it, and hands it over to him.

MOTHER 
Not when I know what the cloak’s curse will do to
me.

JAYSON 
How can you possibly be a threat to my family?

MOTHER 
You know what those people are like. They wont
approve of you being with someone like me.

JAYSON 
I wouldn’t let them harm you.

MOTHER 
They wouldn’t have to; it would be done for them.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL ENTRANCE – EARLY EVENING

The hotel owner is standing at the entrance to the hotel and Helena’s Mother stands in front of her, holding the cloak.

JAYSON (MEMORY) 
How can you possibly be a threat to my family?

MOTHER (THOUGHT) 
When they found out I’d had a child out of
wedlock... I was banished from my parents’ 
home. I didn’t tell Jayson. I couldn’t 
bear to see him so heartbroken after I’d 
refused to marry him. I owed the Hotel money from 
staying there. She told me I could stay for 
free. But nothing’s ever free.

I wanted to establish a character for both Jayson and the Mother, in order to persuade the audience to their side instead of Jayson's family, the Bohun's. However, the two characters are only additions in explaining the movie and the entire flashback is far too extended. I will be cutting out a massive amount of their conversation and replacing it with short clips to indicate changing time. 

The narration is still relevant, but it seems more appropriate that Helena would be the one telling the story, rather than her mother.

CUT TO:

INT. JAYSON’S SHOP – EVENING

Helena places her hand on Jayson’s, which lays outstretched across the counter. The cloak is hanging up beside him.

JAYSON 
Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in over a
year!

MOTHER (THOUGHT) 
But I loved him. When I had the first child I went
back to him one night. He’d left the Bohun 
Estate because he said he couldn’t bear to be 
part of their family a day more. But the night 
I went to see him I became pregnant again. I wasn’t 
going back after that, and I didn’t tell him the second time either.

MOTHER 
You took the cloak.

JAYSON 
Well, it means something to me doesn’t it! It
makes me sick to see it with my parents 
because it’s only a reminder that they’re 
the reason I can’t be with you.

MOTHER 
No. I’m the reason you can’t be with me.

CUT TO:

EXT. HOTEL ENTRANCE – EARLY EVENING 

Helena’s Mother looks up at the Hotel Owner

MOTHER (THOUGHT) 
I’d already ruined my life. The cloak would
already curse me, so I took it the following morning. 
It had value; I could use it to pay for the room 
I was staying in. But she didn’t take it. She never did.
She only said –

HOTEL OWNER 
I do not expect anything of expense.

MOTHER (THOUGHT) 
It made me sick that I’d taken it for no reason.
But not as sick as the cloak made me for choosing him.

MOTHER 
I still can’t tell you my name.

HOTEL OWNER 
You’re afraid! You are afraid that you’ll give away 
too much of who you are. Too ashamed that someone 
will figure you out, or learn who you are.
We’ve all got regrets. What matters, is whether 
we forgive ourselves.

CUT TO:

EXT. BOHUN ESTATE – DAY

ROBIN 
Did you forgive yourself? For killing an innocent
girl?

DAMIEN 
I did what I had to do to regain the status that
her mother lost me. Besides, you are hardly a moral compass – or were
you unaware that I knew of your grave-robbing days?

ROBIN 
That was in the past. I returned what I took.

Damien turns back to Helena, looking content.

DAMIEN 
Your mother’s revenge was sickness, and the
sickness brought her death.

HELENA 
And what happened to us – me and Lettie?

DAMIEN 
She knew she’d had her last laugh... that it was
almost over for her. There was another child staying in the hotel that
night; and at only four years old she asked of him a massive favor.

The camera focuses on Robin’s eye -

CUT TO:

EXT. DERSERTED STREET - NIGHT

And it becomes the eye of a young boy, running in to the distance. Somewhere covered in blankets, he is holding a baby.

For further fear of complication, this will be scrapped entirely.

CUT TO:

EXT. BOHUN ESTATE – DAY

DAMIEN 
She sent the child off with the baby to take it to
Jayson. But when the boy returned, she was already gone.

HELENA 
Scarlett? Well then what -

DAMIEN (interrupting) 
No. It was me.

ROBIN 
Then you will be cursed. You broke your family...
you were responsible for Lettie being killed. 
A change of a name doesn’t stop the blood that 
runs through veins. We don’t need to break you; 
you sealed your own fete. 
You had Jayson Bohun’s daughter killed.


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