I have decided to make further alterations in order to make it a more visually interesting, art-house piece; and lose some of the complications with the story. So far, it is set out like a short, mainstream film. In an article, short film is described as living, 'outside standardized mainstream cinema and has evolved into a kind of great white hope for all that early cinema promised in terms of aesthetic complexity and plurality of content.' I think that my initial script can be improved by the use of creative content. The genre of fairytale and fantasy leaves the possibilities wide open for experimental shots, creations and illusions. I am going to attempt to transform my idea whilst sticking to it's initial layout.
Yellow indicates the parts of the script I am planning to keep.
Pink sections need revising (either because of wording or relevance).
Blue indicates parts I am hoping to get rid of entirely or replace.
FADE IN:
EXT. HELENA’S PUB - NIGHT
Establishing shot. The pub is busy with noise, and sounds somewhat aggressive.
HELENA (O.S.)
Okay – quieten down all of you; pub’s closed! Time
to go, take yourselves elsewhere. The crowd mumbles in dissatisfaction.
CUT TO:
EXT. DESERTED STREET CORNER - NIGHT
Camera tracks SCARLETT (LETTIE) AUVRAY from her side as she walks. She wears a distinctive red cloak, white eye- mask and basket.
CUT TO:
INT. HELENA’S PUB - NIGHT
HELENA AUVRAY gathers up used glasses. She steps out to collect a bucket of water for cleaning, whilst the camera ‘waits’ for her, and steadily zooms in.
Having returned indoors, she stands at the bar and uses a cloth and water to clean the dirty glasses. The camera zooms in on her and then ‘crashes’ in to the side of the room, where there is a window. Lettie (though barely visible) looks in. The distorted image makes her look eerie and suspicious. The camera tracks her from inside, making her way round slowly and continuously until settling on the door. The handle quivers and then she steps in.
HELENA (nonchalantly)
I had to close the pub early.
Lettie removes her mask.
LETTIE
Why?
HELENA
It’s almost Midnight, and you need to start
listening to what I have to say. Do you know what that means?
LETTIE (sarcastically)
You’ve arranged a party for me?
HELENA
I’m warning you, you have to get rid of it. Tonight.
LETTIE (in a harsh, dignified whisper)
It was our mother’s!
HELENA
Look - you aren’t the only one threatened by this!
Given the state of living these days, I need my
business – it’s not even eleven and I’ve already
had to clear the place out!
LETTIE
Well, why did you? I never expected you to send them all away.
HELENA
Because I need you to take this seriously.
LETTIE
This cloak is here to protect me!
HELENA (flabbergasted)
No – you think that it’s here to protect you!
LETTIE
Listen to yourself. The whole idea of the cloak
being cursed is ludicrous!
HELENA
And you’re willing to take that chance?
For the first time, they look like sisters.
Lettie’s face changes, and she suddenly looks sympathetic.
LETTIE
Trust me.
Replacing her mask, she turns to leave.
HELENA
Scarlett – Lettie – please, take off that cloak.
LETTIE
It was our mum’s.
Lettie pauses at the door, but keeps her back turned.
LETTIE
I’m staying at Grandmother’s tonight. You don’t need to worry.
She exits.
Helena anxiously continues to clear up. She leaves soon after, her own mask in hand.
CUT TO:
EXT. HELENA’S PUB - NIGHT
After locking up, Helena strays around the corner and finds herself directly opposite ROBIN FINLAY. Robin’s pockets are filled with maps, parchment and quills.
HELENA
Robin!
ROBIN
Helena - where’s Lettie?
(Essential for establishing characters.)
HELENA (desperately)
Already gone.
ROBIN (looking shocked) Well – where?
HELENA
Our Grandmothers’.
ROBIN
Then we follow. We go after her.
(agitatedly)
Does she not realize what she means to
us? We’re supposed to be getting married one day!
They continue to walk in silence.
Helena looks up, in search for an attempt
to lighten the mood.
HELENA (feebly)
The moon is bright tonight.
Robin and Helena wander along their journey. Helena wears a mask and Robin has his face covered with clothing. The change in locations suggests a movement of time. Helena is clutching a map in her hands.
HELENA
Thank goodness’ you’re a cartographer.
(Indicating on the map)
She lives across here somewhere...
ROBIN
You haven’t been?
HELENA
Only Lettie speaks to my Grandmother.
Robin hesitates, as though unsure whether he should ask why. He glances at her, raising an eyebrow quizzically.
Because she’s living her life in denial over what
happened to her daughter. Maybe Lettie would think
differently if she wasn’t influenced by her.
Robin is silent for a moment, and looks uncomfortable.
ROBIN
What are the rumours? Does anyone know the truth...?
HELENA
The cloak was brought by one of the Bohun
ancestors hundreds of years ago... he was
afraid that the reputation he’d developed for
himself when they built the estate might one day be
lost; or overridden by another high-status family.
At the time, the village was fearful of witches.
There was an elderly lady awaiting a trial and he
found her. He got her to bewitch the cloak so
that it would protect the Wearer. Some
people – like Lettie – think the story ends there.
But of course, he didn’t save the witch.
He went back on his word – he’d promised to
protect her if she protected them.
But he sent her straight back where she’d came from...
EXT. WOODS – NIGHT
A close up then shows her hand (nails painted pearl white) as it hits the floor. The contents of her basket hurdle across the ground. She is completely immersed within darkness.
CUT TO:
EXT. DESERTED STREET – NIGHT
Robin and Helena’s journey continues. Robin holds an open map in his two quaking hands. The shimmer of lights from shop windows and signs gives the image a red glare. A single drop of rain spills on to the paper as if from nowhere. Robin looks from where it came from to the place it spilt. He gently smudges it but it leaves a dent in the paper. It is cast over a section of woods.
He continues walking, though slightly confused, and his foot falls mistakably on a white rose, which has also appeared. The rose stands alone on the dark pebbled surface of the ground.
HELENA
This means something.
They urgently pick up speed.
Bells ring to indicate Midnight.
Night drifts in to morning.
EXT. OUTSKIRTS OF A FOREST – MORNING
Robin and Helena emerge in to view. As they reach the trees, a figure begins to surface from them.
The figure - a man, WILLIAM FLETCHER, steps forward, a wild look on his face, which could almost be described as fear. He is holding Lettie’s mask. When he sees Robin and Helena, he appears quite surprised. He raises the mask before them, his fingers only touching the ribbons that tie it. - Consider other ways of introducing William.
WILLIAM
You know her, don’t you?
The shocked silence makes this evident. Robin’s eyes widen so wildly that his expression seems almost unnaturally conceivable. They become red and crazed.
WILLIAM
I can’t believe this! I’m so sorry!
ROBIN (hysterically)
Where is she? Lettie!
WILLIAM
She’s gone. I found her this morning. It was an
attack... this was no mistake.
HELENA
But no one knew she was coming!
(Long pause. Helena whispers)
When you found her, was she wearing
a red cloak?
William shakes his head, looking puzzled.
WILLIAM
Wait – you mean the Bohun cloak?
ROBIN
You’ve heard of it?
WILLIAM
Only when it was taken, I’ve heard the rumors.
Isn’t it supposed to be very powerful?
HELENA (scornfully)
Some might say.
WILLIAM (in an instant)
Then I know who you’re to be looking for. Damien
Sallow would gamble just about anything for
the chance to get back in to that family.
HELENA
Back in to the family?
WILLIAM
Jayson Bohun’s son.
Helena looks shocked beyond belief. Her eyes become wide and manic, even beyond usual.
he became Sallow. Jayson had no regrets leaving
his parents, but Damien was different. He’s
said to be hungry for the power that his
Grandparents’ posses.
HELENA
Do you think they’d take him back?
WILLIAM
With the cloak in hand, they could be persuaded...
HELENA
Where would he find them?
WILLIAM
The Bohun Estate.
William’s expression turns darker, but his voice remains calm.
But if I were you, I’d find him before he gets
there. Alone, he’s powerless to seek revenge.
But if the Bohun’s accept him... he’ll be safe.
Helena and Robin look alert, persuaded by his argument.
Do you know the way?
Robin takes out the map.
ROBIN
I can figure it out.
Robin and Helena get up in silence, ready the last minute, Helena turns to face William.
HELENA
Sorry – we didn’t ask your name.
WILLIAM
William Fletcher.
(Mentioning his name is essential, but I think this needs to be said earlier in order to really establish his importance in the storyline.)
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD – DAY
Robin and Helena are travelling to the Bohun Estate.
ROBIN
Helena... how can we be sure it was somebody?
to leave.
Why are you so convinced that this was - planned?
Surely it was the curse...
HELENA
Remember, when we got that warning it was before
twelve. Lettie never reached sixteen – she was still considered a child. The curse won’t harm someone considered to be innocent.
ROBIN
Your mother –
HELENA
Was nineteen when she was killed, and the cloak
didn’t react to her straight away. She was pregnant and it waited for her.
Robin drops the subject (in an attempt to distract himself as much as Helena) and raises himself to appear more upbeat. He attempts a smile.
ROBIN
When we get back, you owe me a drink.
CUT TO:
EXT. BOHUN ESTATE – DAY
The building is WAY IN THE DISTANCE.
HELENA
Is this the place?
ROBIN
Well - I’m not walking all that way back again to
ask for directions.
HELENA
And... he’ll be here?
ROBIN
Who knows? But it feels as though we’re doing the
right thing. If he’s not, we wait. I have an inkling he’ll turn
up eventually...
CUTS CLOSER to the Bohun Estate as they draw nearer. Both are filled with adrenaline. They stagger about aggressively as though unable to control their reactions. Robin has a particularly fierce look on his face, as though trying to appear calm, cool and collected.
Almost straight away, they see a figure in the distance with their back turned. They wear the red cloak, hood up.
CUT TO:
BLACKNESS
Lettie stands in the center of a dark, deserted space. She wears the same black dress that she wore previously, but without the cloak or mask. She stands with the same stance as the cloaked figure, though with her face to the camera. The camera zooms unsteadily and with great speed on Lettie’s face, a paused expression of shock. The sounds of the wood as she ran are clear once again, though there is no movement. Suddenly, she is replaced with -
CUT TO:
EXT. BOHUN ESTATE – DAY
Damien, the figure. The camera catches his eye before he turns around at the sound of movement from Robin and Helena. He looks satisfied with himself, and his eyes shine ecstatically. He turns slowly and elegantly, in time to see that Robin and Helena have sped up. They now stand in front of him.
DAMIEN
Robin Finlay and Helena Auvray.
It is, indeed a delight to see you.
Damien offers them each a hand in turn, but they both stare at it sickeningly, unsure how to proceed. Damien laughs, but for a split second he is unable to control a look of utmost terror.
Robin is so furious his whole body is twitching convulsively. He is unable to speak a word, and appearance suggests that any speech or movement knock him off the edge. Something appears to be uncontrollably inside him. His eyes are large and innocent, and focused solely on the ground before him.
Alternatively, Helena looks beside herself with defiance. She instead looks positively hysterical, her eyes tearing in to Damien. Her skin is pale, and her face so white and cold that her features look like they have been carved from ice.
HELENA (incredulously)
You’re Damien!
How can you wear that? How can you summon the
strength to stand here, to live with yourself!
DAMIEN
What? And take what is mine? Was it not supposed to
be in the Bohun’s possession all along... was it
not stolen by your conceited mother.
It was never supposed to be your sisters’.
HELENA
You aren’t a Bohun! You are living in your fathers’
past. Damien Sallow!
And from now on your life will be scarred
with the damage of what you have done!
DAMIEN
I might suggest lowering your tone if you have the
slightest interest in the value of
what I have to say. And despite your incompetence,
I am glad that you followed me here.
I wish to communicate a truth.
HELENA (forcefully)
What do you know?
DAMIEN (asserting his control)
Calm yourself!
I am not like my father. Jayson smote
his parent’s name. He disobeyed and broke them.
Or rather, your mother pushed him to it. She was a
delinquent. The cloak was never hers, she stole it.
HELENA
That’s not how it happened!
DAMIEN
Then inform me of how it did.
The camera tilts up to the sky.
FLASHBACK
EXT. THE LAKE – EVENING
When it drops down again, the image becomes a lake. A series of events form the storytelling...
The camera tracks HELENA’S MOTHER from over her shoulder. Her head turns to see Jayson as she wanders past.
JAYSON SALLOW is leant against a tree by the river. Books are cluttered beside him. He is half-heartedly writing notes on a page.
As she approaches, Jayson turns, looking startled at the interruption but pleased to see her.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE LAKE – DAY
She walks past again. This time, Jayson is chucking bread to the ducks.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE LAKE – DAY
The next time, Jayson nods at her as she goes by.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE LAKE – DAY
They smile at each other from a distance, but Helena’s Mother walks onwards as usual.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE LAKE – DAY
The lake is pretty and gleaming in the luminous pink and gold rays of the sun.
Jayson is sat calmly next to the lake, wearing a casual yet stylish navy jacket and boots. He is gently humming to himself, and staring in to the distance.
Helena’s mother, first appearing distracted, notices him only a few steps before her. She is wearing a simple yet striking blue dress. Her hair is messy and windswept despite it having been carefully arranged. She looks on at Jayson as though mesmerized, and suppresses a smile. She slows down instead of walking onwards.
Jayson gets up, grinning, and stands to face her directly.
JAYSON
Here again? I’m Jayson Bohun.
CUT TO:
:
EXT. TOWN – DAY
Jayson and the girl are hurrying through the rain, sheltered under Jayson’s jacket. They rush to shelter near an old chapel. Whilst they run, they stumble about and step on each other’s feet. They are both in fits of laughter by the time they reach a standstill.
Jayson suddenly turns to her, looking serious. He quietly says something to her.
Helena’s Mother delicately takes a ring out of her pocket, studying it closely.
HELENA (O.S.)
They were together for two years... but she knew that
the Bohun’s would never approve of her. So
she didn’t want to dream that it could all be real.
She places it on her finger, but gently shakes her head, removes it, and hands it over to him.
HELENA (O.S.)
By this time she was pregnant with me. She never
told him. She knew that if she did it would only
hurt more that she couldn’t marry him. She was
too afraid that she’d let him down.
CUT TO:
EXT. HOTEL ENTRANCE – EVENING
A young woman, the HOTEL OWNER stands just inside the open door. She wears a full-length red dress and an expression of strict pride. Despite it being so late in the day, she appears wide-awake and at ease.
The woman is approached by Helena’s mother; also young, but slouched in the position of an old woman. She is wearing an oversized khaki coat, her hair is straggled, and she looks in immense pain.
HELENA (O.S.)
She was taken in by a lady who owned a hotel...
but our mother never told her her name. She
didn’t have anything of value, but she was
allowed to stay for free. She left as soon as I was born.
CUT TO:
INT. JAYSON’S SHOP – EVENING
Helena’s Mother reaches out for Jayson’s hand, which lays outstretched across the counter. He pulls away.
The cloak is hanging up beside him.
JAYSON
Where have you been? I haven’t seen you in over a
year! I thought I meant something to you.
HELENA (O.S.)
She went back to him. He’d left the Bohun Estate
because he couldn’t bear to be part of the family
anymore. He wasn’t like them.
MOTHER
You took the cloak.
JAYSON
Well, it means something to me doesn’t it! It
makes me sick to see it with my parents
because it’s only a reminder that they’re
the reason I can’t be with you.
CUT TO:
EXT. PARK – DAY Helena’s mother and Jayson are
HELENA (O.S.)
He loved her, so he forgave her.
But she couldn’t
keep a secret like that. She kept running away from him,
and then for the final time...
CUT TO:
INT. JAYSON’S SHOP – EVENING
Helena’s mother takes the cloak in a rush.
HELENA (O.S.)
She was pregnant again, and scared. She didn’t
understand the cloak but she knew it was worth
something. She didn’t want to go back to the
Hotel without paying again.
She places the cloak over her shoulders.
CUT TO:
EXT. BOHUN ESTATE – DAY Robin realizes what is coming.
ROBIN
What happened – what happened to her?
HELENA
She was ill, for a long time.
EXT. HOTEL ENTRANCE – EARLY EVENING
Story continues: Helena’s Mother looks up at the Hotel Owner.
The cloak is tangled up in her hands.
HOTEL OWNER
Nice to see you again.
Your children have already been given a room. Spend as long as you need here.
MOTHER
What do you want? You wont take what I give you!
Take this, take the cloak!
HOTEL OWNER
I do not expect anything of expense. But you’ll
find that anyone staying in a room of ours is
expected to act with polite appreciation. Need I remind you?
And your name, perhaps?
MOTHER
No.
HOTEL OWNER
Because you’re too ashamed, that someone will figure
you out. But probably more ashamed of yourself,
then any one is of you.
CUT TO:
EXT. BOHUN ESTATE – DAY
HELENA
That was her last night.
(muttering to herself, more than anybody)
Lettie and I, we were named by this woman. Scarlett –
it was the colour of the cloak she was
tucked in. And so Lettie thought it could be trusted.
(Looking to Damien again)
But it wasn’t just me and Lettie. There was
rumoured to have been another... my mother had
another child.
And you know this...
Robin, who is hearing this for the first time, looks astonished.
ROBIN
You killed your own sister!
Damien’s smile twists abruptly. He suddenly looks extremely shaken and shocked.
She’s dead –
FLASHBACK
INT. UNKNOWN - MORNING
WILLIAM FLETCHER is seated in a dark room, full of empty, neglected space. He sits on an old wooden chair, a table in front of him. He looks almost bored. DAMIEN SALLOW, a sinister grin on his face, is sat opposite him.
WILLIAM
What makes you think that I have any interest in
laboring myself?
DAMIEN
The cloak is enchanted with powerful magic, the
value of which exceeds any scorn that the
Bohun’s will have towards me. When they
let me back in the family, I will be rich. And
if you do this for me, so will you.
It’s a full moon tonight. All you have to do
is wait by the woods to transform.
Damien gets up immediately and leaves.
WILLIAM
But what makes you think that I would prefer
riches, when you’ve given me the path to something more valuable?
CUT TO:
FLASHBACK
EXT. WOODS – DAY
It is just after William’s conversation with Robin and Helena, and he watches them leave. The mask is laid on the ground.
CUT TO:
FLASHBACK
INT. WILLIAM’S HOUSE – DAY
William leans over to pick the cloak off the ground, and puts it on. He collapses in an instant, dead.
Damien arrives to find him, a while later. He looks unsympathetic and reasonably unquestioning. He leaves with the cloak folded in his hands.
CUT TO:
EXT. BOHUN ESTATE – DAY
ROBIN
William sent us here!
HELENA (to Damien)
He must have wanted us to get rid of you for him.
DAMIEN
He was supposed to panic her, to knock her
unconscious. She was never supposed to be killed!
Helena pauses, looking genuinely apologetic.
HELENA
The cloak doesn’t mean what you think it does.
It’s cursed... and I’m afraid it’s too late for you.
CREDITS
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